Crypt — 2005 || Pathetic Wanker Awards — 2005

Here are the Pathetic Wankers of 2004. A decidedly deserving bunch of losers, ass holes, and well pathetic wankers.

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Pathetic Wanker Awards — 2005


November 3rd:

The new breed of Texans, the master(bation) race
No quote for this one. I will only say that when we meet, in the camps, I will be the one laughing as I weep.

To hell with all you traitors!

Ok this has been a long time in the coming but finally I have awarded a Pathetic Wanker Award. I know there has been a dry spell these last months but with the field so full of pathetic wankers, and no one sending me any suggestions, it has not been easy to decide on just one, until two days ago.

What is so special about two days ago (Nov. 8th}? Well here in Texas we had a proposition to vote on. Actually a few of them but the one I am speaking about is Proposition 2, an amendment to the Texas constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman only. Yes basically banning gay marriage in our constitution. It passed with 73% of the vote. Basically that means that 3-out-of-4 people voted for it. So with out further delay it is my sad, and sickening, privilege to announce that this month’s Pathetic Wanker Award goes to…. The Texas voters!

Now let us examine this subspecies of glory hole, left over jizm for a bit. Three out of four voters, basically that means when I walk down the street all these people felt that it is perfectly ok, and right, to create a sub citizen class. Even worse are the minorities that voted for it.

Here is where I really come unglued. How the fuck, can ANY minority vote for such a damning piece of fascist crap? The argument that the religious-wrong used that this is a moral issues, one which G_d sanctioned and thus is right. The bible, and G_d’s law, says it is a sin, so they are only voting their conscious. Well fuck you! That is the same load of self-righteous vomit that was used to keep blacks and whites from marrying back in the 30’s! They idea that Blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities where somehow subhuman and that G_d did not want the races to mix, marry, and have kids is in the bible, it is in the 613 laws of Moses along with the ones against homosexuals, so it is perfectly right, yes?

The argument was then bolstered that if the races did mix that society would come crashing down, the institute of marriage would lose it’s meaning and that the nation would go to hell. Sound familiar? Minorities fought hard for their civil rights, and are still fighting, to be treated equal. They have shed sweat, tears, and blood for basic rights, and so has the GLBT community! Yet, pastors of black and Hispanic churches lobbied and preached hard for proposition 2, to do to the GLBT community that which was done to them. What the fuck is that about?

Since when did blacks and Hispanics join up with the KKK and Nazis because, dear friends, that is exactly what happened. So I am going to say something now that will probably insult, and incite, a shit load of people that read this. So here it goes. If you are black and voted for proposition 2 you are a nigger! If you are Hispanic and voted for proposition 2, you are a wet-back spick! Don’t like what I said, tough. Malcolm X said the same thing about “house niggers” remember that? Those uncle, or aunt, toms that sided against their race. (like Condoleezza Rice or Colin Powell) You that voted for this hate-filled amendment voted against your own race, the human race. You made a shame of the work of Dr. King, Malcolm X, Gandhi, and every man, woman, and child that stood and bore the brunt of the fire hoses and dogs so that you could have basic rights to vote, to marry, to be a full citizen of the country. You are an embarrassment to the whole of the civil rights movement and have proved the point of the KKK and Nazis that you are sub-human and not capable of exercising, or have the intellectual capacity, to merit equal rights.

And lest people think that I am prejudice against the minorities, let me say this as well. Many whites that voted for this grew up in the sixties, they will say they think the GLBT community should have equal rights, when asked (look at the polls that show over 70% believe this), but when push comes to shove and they are anonymous they show their true face. The whites that voted for this are redneck trailer trash. Smiling and nodding waiting for you to turn your back and then they will fuck you like they do their baby sister. All you minorities take heed. You are being played and the Jerry Falwell’s, and Reverend Sheldon’s, and other Nazis and KKK members are laughing at how they got the “niggers” and “spicks” to dance for them. These same fundamentalist, conservative, republicans that would not piss on you if you were on fire and still work to deny you equal rights, equal pay, and an equal vote have used you to divide and conquer.

This country is reverting back to when hate and prejudice were the norm. When segregation was acceptable. Races and classes are being pitted against each other and economic disparities have increased to levels not seen since then and the saddest part is the apathy, the total lack of anger, the attitude that “as long as it does not directly affect me, I don’t care”, is taking this nation down a road that will destroy us. Those that think I am full of shit, just look around. Rights are being rolled back, limited, and ever increasingly under attack. How many died in Nazis Germany because they thought it would end with just the Jews?

You can say that won’t happen here and your correct in that it will not manifest in that way. Instead it will become ever increasingly acceptable to deny a group civil liberties, then another group, and the economics disparities will increase until one day your looking at bankruptcy. Oh but wait, the laws on that have changed, as well, in favor of the corporations, your just fucked now aren’t you. But at least gays are not getting married so you are safe. (and if someone can explain just how the fuck two gays marrying threaten anyone, please let me know).

So for all you white-trash, redneck, cow buggering fucks and all the niggers, spicks, chinks, slope heads, ginnies, jesus-sodomizing, mohamed-sucking, moses anal tongue rimming, and every other aborted-fetus sucking sub-human that voted for proposition 2, this, well deserved award is for you, you sick pathetic wankers!


April :

Cheney in deep session with his bitch Bush
"Now I can affix this to the life size crucifix and have jesus fuck me up the ass just like Jerry and Pat always brag about!" Rev. Sheldon exclaimed upon recieving his award.

"Then I will use it to fuck my daughter as well. After all I am not a faggot pedophile!"

Ok my darklings it is once more time to name another pathetic wanker. I know it has been two months since I last named one so deserving but I wish to only hand out these awards to only the truly deserving and not the so obvious. I mean there is only so many times Bush or his master Cheney can win this award. They truly set the bar to new heights.

But I digress. This month's winner is one of the vilest, sickest, and pathetic and considering that Bush has appointed him to "faith-based advisor" and given him red carpet treatment at the White House, thinking people should realize just how close they are to this country becoming a theocracy!

With statements such as gay people are "dark forces bent on destroying faith and family" and that all AIDS victims should be quarantined in separate cities. This self-righteous piece-of-shit has the audacity to call his group "Traditional Values Coalition"! I am speaking of the pathetic and ever so anal-retentive Lou Sheldon. Let us take a look at his organization and then man that created it.

The Tradition Values Coalition (TVC), founded in 1983, is an Anaheim, is a California-based organization led by the Rev. Louis P. Sheldon. Emphasizing a state and local grassroots approach, TVC works to "educate and inform its member churches on legislative action relating to issues of pro-family concern. " The group's efforts have included extensive lobbying, publishing, and support for like-minded political candidates. As part of its campaign, TVC has opposed church-state separation.

Among other causes, TVC has advocated:

  • Restoring organized prayer to public schools
  • Installing the teaching of creationism as part of science curricula
  • The repeal of civil rights protections for gays and lesbians
  • "Reparative therapy" for gays and lesbians.

Sheldon describes the "battle" against homosexuality as the centerpiece of his program. He expresses his vision this way:

"Don [Wildmon] has got pornography; Randy [Terry] has got abortion, Phyllis [Schlafly] and the Concerned Women for America have religious liberties; Jim [Dobson] has family values; the Christian Coalition does candidates: and I've got the homosexuals."

Got the homosexuals? Does this sound like one that is battling his demons of homosexual suppression to you? Isn't that the root of homophobia, the latent feelings of wanting to suck another man's dick and getting punked in the ass?

Sheldon, TVC's chairman and founder, was born in 1934 to an orthodox Jewish mother and a Protestant father. He became a Christian as a teenager. After attending Michigan State University and Princeton Theological Seminary, he served as a pastor in various Presbyterian pulpits for 25 years.

Since establishing TVC, Sheldon has been described by USA Today as "one of the most powerful men in California." He has been dubbed "the California Falwell, but says, "Falwell fired a round but where was the infantry to come in once the enemy was hit? That's what I want to do is create an infantry of people [sic] " Fired the first shot? Does anyone else get the feeling that someone has been reading Mein Kampf and using it as a guideline for a political movement? Now consider this amoral moralist has the president's ear and is treated as a fucking dignitary, ass licked and bowed to by Bush and his administration. Can anyone say Taliban?

Now let us look deeper into the bowels of TVC and the Goebbels-esc propaganda of this pedophile wannabe. AT the TVC web site their agenda is laid out and "spin" is given to news reports and, of course, only those reports that can be twisted or are written by other oxygen-deprived brainiacs are published. They constantly ignore the psychiatric community's explanation that men that sexually abuse boys are not, in-of-it's self, homosexual. That it is an asexual condition. Instead they say because both are gendered male it is homosexual. They equate the group North-American Man- Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), with being a "gay" organization and then use the radical publishing's of some "way out there" gay magazines to prove their point. Yes, there are gay child molesters and they are just as sick and twisted as straight ones but to say that all gays are child molesters because of that, well then Rev Lou (you know I am talking shit when my lips move) Sheldon, then I guess all straight people are child molesters as well. Your sad and pathetic attempt to vilify all homosexuals with this argument fails when the same standard is applied to straights as well, doesn't it?

When it came to the death of Pfc. Barry Witchell, the solider killed because he dared loved a transsexual (Calpernia Addams), they consistently called his her a "drag queen" and used male pronouns in referencing her. That personally pissed me off to no end. This tragedy then made out to be the fault of gays. Yes the gay community has much to answer for the treatment of Calpernia Addams and they way they wished to make this a hate crime based on hatred of homosexuals and not one based on the hatred of transsexuals. But to use it as a means to both bash gays and then lump transsexuals not only into the same group but make them a perverted subset makes this one want to nail all their scrotums to the floor and dance a flaming on them while wearing my 6" stilettos!

When it comes to 9/11 Lou Sheldon jumped on the bandwagon with Jerry (I fucked my mother) Falwell and Pat (jesus loved me up the ass) Robertson in saying that it was because of gays that 9/11 happened. He then went a step farther in trying to get benefits cut off for those who's loved ones died in the attack! Never realized that Rev. Lou Sheldon equates God with Osama Bin Laden but then when you desire to create a theocracy, who better to worship, eh Rev Sheldon. I bet your dick gets hard as rock when you think of old Osama doesn't it an you sphincter gets all moist in anticipation, you wreck of a human being.

When you look at the sum of this hate-spewing man and his organization you wonder if how people of intelligence can even give weight to anything he says. Then one remembers that this country voted for such a dick in the ass president Bush and the truth comes out that Lao Tzu was so right, "people are sheep".

Look Rev. Sheldon quote of "gays and lesbians live perverted, twisted lives that feed upon the unsuspecting and the innocent." Is in reality a statement for your self. You live of donations and contribute nothing to society. You breed hate and contempt and have the no respect for liberty. You and those of your kind speak of freedom for the Middle East yet secretly covet the Taliban regime and desire for nothing more than to create the same here. One problem though, I am here and many more that actually use their brains for more than doorstops. We are not about to let a bunch of fascist, self-proclaimed saviors do our thinking for us. You and your fearful little group are the ticks on the testicles of life, sucking on the freedom that so many have died for. Many of those were gay, transsexuals, and of other religious beliefs than the perverted and sick shit you call Christianity.

So for being such a good reason we should have abortions, I award you, Rev. Lou Sheldon the "I'm a Pathetic Wanker Award" for the month of April. Appropriate that such a fool as you should win it this month, you sad pathetic excuse for a man.


Jan :

Sheik Saleh Al-Fawzan eyeing the award and fantasing it was Israeli
"Good golly gracious!" exclaimed Sheik Saleh Al-Fawzan, "it is so much bigger than my camel's and I am already harder that any Taliban execution has ever gotten me!"

At which point he rammed home the award an cried out At which point he rammed home the award an cried out "Praise Allah!!!"Praise Allah!!!"..

Ok so once more it is time to choose this month's most pathetic wanker. Now I could go for the easy target and continue to list president Cheney and/or his puppet Bush. But is two easy as they have raised the bar on being a pathetic wanker that they now have to do even more to get listed here. No, I want to award others that are so deserving. Those that make life miserable for the rest of us. That their level of stupidity is so great that "stupid" would be a lofty goal for them to attain. Well I have found such a one and considering I have been beating my own government so much is appropriate to look at the other side. So with out further adue I give you Sheik Saleh Al-Fawzan.

Now what it is about this man that warrants such a coveted award and just who the hell is he? Well let us find out. Al-Fawzan is a member of the Council of Religious Edicts and Research, the Imam of Prince Mitaeb Mosque in Riyadh and a professor at Imam Mohamed Bin Saud Islamic University, Saudi Arabia's main center of learning for the strict Wahhabi interpretation of Islam, and author of the countries religious curriculum. The same Saudi Arabia that this government administration is sucking the ass of. The same Saudi Arabia that held a telethon that raised billions to got to the families of suicide bomber, after 911!

Now, in particular, the items caught my eye when I studied this left-hand, nose picking and eating it, piece of camel dung was first this, and I quote "Slavery is part of jihad, and jihad will remain as long there is Islam." That Muslims who contend Islam is against slavery "are ignorant, not scholars. They are merely writers, whoever says such things is an infidel."

Al-Fawzan's best-known textbook, "Al-Tawheed - Monotheism," says most Muslims are polytheists, and their blood and money are therefore free for the taking by "true Muslims." Sound familiar? Sound like any right wing preachers we have right here in the good-ol US of A? This means that everyone is an infidel, a polytheist, and as such their life is forfeit to be either made a slave or be outright killed, even other Muslims that do not believe the shit that comes from his facial orifice! Remember, this man has the power of the Saudi Government behind him and is teaching this to the Saudi people.

Al-Fawzan, a leading opponent of curriculum reform, opposes elections and demonstrations as Western influences, is against Arab women marrying non- Arab Muslims and has issued a fatwa forbidding the watching of television. he as even threatened to behead a Saudi writer and scholar, Sheik Hassan Al-Maliki, for his criticism of Wahhabism, according to SIA. Al-Maliki was fired from his position with the ministry of education after writing a 50- page paper criticizing Al-Fawzan's book "Al-Tawheed."

Now if this was not enough to earn him a place here, just read on, it gets even better. Allow me to just quote this camel fucker:

"These great tragedies and collective punishments that are wiping out villages, towns, cities and even entire countries, are Allah's punishments of the people of these countries, even if they are Muslims. Some of our forefathers said that if there is usury and fornication in a certain village, Allah permits its destruction." "We know that at these resorts, which unfortunately exist in Islamic and other countries in south Asia, and especially at Christmas, fornication and sexual perversion of all kinds are rampant," he said. "The fact that it happened at this particular time is a sign from Allah. It happened at Christmas, when fornicators and corrupt people from all over the world come to commit fornication and sexual perversion. That's when this tragedy took place, striking them all and destroyed everything. It turned the land into wasteland, where only the cries of the ravens are heard. I say this is a great sign and punishment on which Muslims should reflect."

Wow! This is the same crap that gays and fornicators caused the tsunami as is being espoused by Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps. I had no idea that Christmas was when fornication and sexual perversion was to be flouted, seems I will have to rethink Halloween being my favorite holiday now. I am not sure about you, but I am getting sick and tired of all this "holy men" telling everyone that you either submit you will to them and become mindless zombies or you are going to die! I am even more tired of the ass wipes that follow this fuckartds! I am especially tired of my government sucking these pricks off, and telling us that they are are allies. Allies! No wonder we are losing the freaken war!

Look I know Muslims, Christians, and Jews that are decent, open minded people. I know people that are from the middle east and are intelligent, thoughtful, and I have great affection and respect for them. No this is about one man and those that follow him and the government that supports him. Sheik Saleh Al-Fawzan is tick on the testicle of life. His words of hate and ignorance or no different form Jerry (911 was because we are being punished because of the gays, liberals, and ACLU) Farwell, Fred (please fuck me in the ass) Phelps, or any other fundamentalist. There is one difference though, Sheik Saleh Al-Fawzan message is sanctioned my a government and believed by millions that have no qualms about actually killing. ANd now you wonder why out of all the countries, the richest ones (i.e. Middles Eastern) are giving only the dribbles?

So Sheik Saleh Al-Fawzan, you diaper wearing, left-hand licking, sole of feet kissing, sand ass packing, crusty cum stain on what was once the enlighten and most tolerant of religions. I have awarded you the "I am a Pathetic Wanker Award" of which you are so truly deserving. May you choke on it and be infested by the fleas of a thousand camels, you prick!