Here are the dead postings of 2005 , may they, and the year, rot in hell and good riddance.
News — 2005
Happy Holidays, my dark and delicious minions! Yes I said "Holidays" and not x-mas. Reverend Jerry (I diddle little boys) Farwell! Darkness, am I the only one that sees the strategy of the religious right-wing nuts making the oppressors out to be the oppressed? I am so sick of hearing how they are being so attacked when they control the White House and Congress. The bile that rises up in my throat every time one of these self-righteous pin-heads spews their bullshit makes me just want to call on the exercise of the second amendment and take up arms and have a new revolution.
Understand I have nothing against Christians that actually live the teachings. I have a problem with any religion, government, or group trying to impose their dogma on another. " Oh but Theresa, you are trying to impose your views when it comes to gay marriage, birth control, and politics" wa wa wa! For those dung-flinging, masturbatory primates I say, no one is trying to make any one have a gay marriage, no one is trying to make any one have an abortion or exercise birth control. All I have asked for is equal rights and equal opportunity. So special privileges, no better treatment, unlike the enemies of the constitution that insist that everyone conform and live the politics of hate. Besides I am the freaken Dark Goddess, I am a Bathory and my views should, and will, be imposed as soon as my plans for world domination come to fruition. [evil grin]
In other news, my situation has finally come to a finical crash. Bankruptcy has been filed, thankfully before the new, bullshit, laws took effect, and my home has been lost. I spent the beginning of the month moving and only two days ago got Internet connection back. I do have some job prospects but will not know until the beginning of the New Year whether they pan out. If they do a new chapter of my life will begin. I will not have to bend all my energies, as I have for the last two years, to just surviving. I will be able to continue my transitioning and have some photo shots planed for the near future.
I also hope to have a new layout up in January (yeah I know I have been saying that for some time now but I really mean it this time.) sometime around my birthday (hint, hint). So check back and feel free to give feedback on what you would like to see.
Speaking of feedback, I am taking nominations for Pathetic Wanker of the Year. So contact me and give me your nomination and why you believe they deserve such a coveted title. Please include facts when you do and links to articles that will substantiate their qualification, for this award, would be extremely helpful.
Well that's it for now I bless everyone with a dark, erotic, holiday season and here is hoping that 2006 is so much freaken better than 2005. Happy Holidays everyone and fuck you Jerry Farwell.
Hello my dark and wonderful minions. Apologies for taking so long to post here but these last months have worn on even yours truly. I am finishing up an bankruptcy and losing my home after fighting for the past two years to hold on and trying all I could to not go this route.
Now mind you that I am not telling you all this for sympathy. I am not one to beg nor try to gather pity. I tell this only to let those that care to know what has been happening. I am also pissed. This past November 8th proposition 2 passed adding an amendment to the Texas constitution banning same sex marriage or any form of marriage, such as domestic partnership. Paving the way to not only deny equal rights but to roll back any and all gains that have been made for gays to have the same benefits and considerations as the rest of the population.
You can read on my disgust in the latest Pathetic Wanker of the Month Awards. Be forewarned it is raw, insulting, and purposefully vile. If you cannot see past the words I chose to use and understand the reason I used them then fuck you. I really do not care. Those with intellect will know that they were chosen to incite and provoke discussion and thought and to possibly rouse an apathetic nation off it's short-sighted and selfish ass.
But what the hell, I probably will receive emails telling me I should not use such words and berating me. Like I am supposed to give a fuck about my choice of words when I, and my community, is under attack. This one is tired of being reasonable, tired of making intellectual arguments to those with out intellect. Fuck being polite to those that would spit on me and mine and expect me to thank them and then get on my knees, when they sneak away from their wives, and suck their dick.
Wakey wakey my minions, time to get involved. I am not asking anyone to blow anything up, just sit down and write your representatives and email. Tell them they are a pathetic wanker and you are not only are you not voting for them but you will make it your mission to make sure everyone you know is not either. If they get enough of them they will listen, and vote you chowder heads! These puss-sucking politicians live and thrive off your apathy! Perhaps no one person can do it, but damn it, enough "one persons" can!
Ok off my rant now. Take care and enjoy your Thanksgiving. I will be sharpening my knives.
Hi Darklings, I know it has been a while since I have updated the site or added any entries. Even longer since I added a new Pathetic Wanker of the Month to the ever growing list. There is just so much competition out there these days. I have been busy though as I have just re coded the site to make it friendly for those using FoxFire browsers. Yes you may thank me by sending money.
On other news, the cop report. Yes, my officer of the law admirer is still pursuing me. I have to give credit to the guy's persistence but take points on the "half-a-brain" category. I mean does he not realize that he is skating the thin ice of lawsuit? But then cops are not known for being all that intelligent. Seriously look at most of them. So fat that a quadriplegic could out run them. Think I am full of shit? Well I am but think about it. When you get pulled over what is the first thing the cop asks you? "Do you realize you were going so fast?" Like telling them no, which everyone does, is going to have them say "oh well then, off with you and be more mindful". Then they ask "is there a reason you were going so fast." Damn, you just got done telling them you did not realize you were speeding and now they want a reason?!? See, not the brightest bulb on the tree! Just once I want to answer them with "realize I was going so fast? Hell, office, I did not realize I was even driving! I thought that the space-time continuum had failed and that I was being sucked into a black hole some where off in the distance!" Of course he would probably just ask me if there is there a reason I was traveling so fast.
Ok, my children of the night, as promised I have posted the first of a few new pictures of your beloved idol of worship... me! Go to "The Dark Gallery" and feast your eyes as long as you desire, just try and not to get the keyboard sticky. [evil grin]
On other news, well it seems the cop I told you all about February 24th just does not now when to quit. Since writing that entry he has been to my house another four times with today being the forth! All under pretense of helping to curb the amount of 18-wheeler rigs running through my neighborhood and ruining my lawn. So far I have been polite and have not made an issue of it with him. As for reasons stated on February 24th I do not need the problems that would come of it. Cannot say I blame him, though as he is a mortal and a man and in the presence of the Dark Goddess, who could could not become enraptured with me?
Yeah, I am just that full of myself.
Ok, my dark lovelies after almost a month I am making another entry and more importantly, after three months I have finally awarded another Pathetic Wanker of the Month Award! Yes, the coveted award has finally found one that is truly deserving and found a new ass to reside in. So check it out, give it a read and drop me a line and tell me what you think or, better yet, give a suggestion for next month's award and why they should deserve it. I am trying to let you, the adoring minions of mine decide on who the winners should be. So speak up, The Dark Goddess commands it.
Also, in the next few days I will be adding some more pictures in the "Dark Images" so check back in a few so that you may worship the object of your desire.
You may have also noticed the banner for Texas Goth on the site, check them out and let them know I sent you. Look they need our support if we are to have any places to party and deal mayhem, so go, sign up for the mailing list and support them.
Also this Dark Goddess has been hanging out on Sunday nights at Havok. For those of you in Houston, or visiting, they could use your support as well. I have a banner up for them, along with links to maps and such, on my "Dark Realms" page all for your convenience and just because I love you.
Hello my lovely minions good news for all you mastubatory boot lickers, and anyone else for that matter! The Dark Goddess has added another picture to the "Dark Gallery"! It was taken three or four weeks ago and pretty much sums up my attitude. So check it out and let me know what you think!
Small update today as I am going out to night to Numbers and dance some before the desire to take a high-powered rifle and climb a clock tower becomes too strong. You can find info on the club and a map in the "Dark Realms" page and you are more than welcome to join me, especially if you buy a drink or two. [evil grin]
UPDATE: Just found out that Numbers is going to have some bullshit concert with some air head teeny-boopers so now I have to find someplace else to go or else stay home. Oh someone is going to feel the kiss of leather tongiht!
Good news! Finally I have everything working again! It took me having to crack the whip on the backs of some but, hey, nothing I am not used to and they so loved it as well. At least I did. [evil grin] So drop me a line, add to the Book of the Dead, have fun and I will update in the next few days. Oh, I also need some nominees for Pathetic Wanker of the Month as well, so let's see those suggestions. Else I may have to crack the whip on you.
Ok, sorry my dears but I just found out that the contact pages and guest book are not working right now. Seems my web hosting has somehow screwed the pooch and I am working on getting it back up as soon as I can. So please bear with me!
Houston is the fourth largest city in these United States with a population of almost two million and we do not have a full time Goth club! What the hell? To make matters worse the club I would go to on Wednesday nights is not changing format to darkness knows what. SO that now leaves only two venues, Havock on SUnday nights and Numbers on Wednesday and Friday nights. Damn it used to be I could, at least go to a different club every night and hear my music, dance with the other undead, and have a great time. Now I have two clubs and only three nights to go out. This so sucks!
In other news I never found a suitable Pathetic Wanker for February's award. Come on people contact me with your suggestions and with some information as to why the deserve it. If you have a news link or such that would be great as I research each submission. Those whose suggestions I use will get full credit for the submission. So here is your time to grab your fifteen minutes of fame.
Hmm... well there is not much else right now, still looking for work, still planning world domination, blah, blah, blah. Oh one new note I am planning to quit smoking. Hey where the fuck did everyone just run off and hide to? Come on I am not that bad... er, well perhaps I am but you can help stave off the homicidal cravings with sacrifices of massive qualities of cash, jewelry, cars, and other free stuff. So save the world, make the Dark Goddess happy. I would hate to have to move next door and cause your property values to drop. [evil grin]
Right, for the last five weeks we have been having a real hard time with 18 wheelers coming through my neighbor hood. So far I have had my front yard trashed by these behemoths missing the corner and leaving three foot deep and thirty feet ruts! Well last week it happed again but this time there was a cop behind the dweeb and he pulled him over, ticketed him, and then came over to talk to us.
Now I will not bore you all with the details but in the end, after getting my information to fill out the report (meaning he had my driver license information), wished to speak with me privately to ask some questions. It seems this guardian of justice, protector of the peace, sentinel of safety noticed the "m" on my license and felt compelled to one, tell me he was married, two tell me he was not gay (which by the way, why do you guys do that? I mean if you are attracted to a transsexual and not interested in just the "plumbing" then you are straight, get it? Quit predicating that you are not gay but that you find one such as me attractive, if is really irritating.) and three, has always fantasized about being with a transsexual. The short of the conversation was that he wished to indulge his sexual fantasy with me.
Now I did not report it because I do not need the fall out that would happen. Right now I need theses patrols that are now here to stop the 18-wheelers from constantly tearing up my yard. A complaint from me would only end up causing so many problems and besides, my car has expired tags and such. So I do not need that kind of grief and told him "thank you" but I had a Boyfriend, which I don't, and that he was a propionate lawyer that works with the city council and he wishes me to be exclusive. Well that seemed to do it with out causing problems.
Then today guess who is at my door this morning? Yep, my watchdog of nar-do-wells, the same officer. He stretched out telling me how he had a new sign placed to warn trucks not to come through and would still be patrolling into over a half an hour conversation.
Now I cannot fault his desire for me but consider this. If his fantasy was to bed a black woman he would never, while on duty and in uniform, ever in the course of performing his duties be so direct and proposition her. If his fantasy was to have sex with a girl in a wheelchair, again he would never risk his job so and come out and ask her to fulfill his fantasy. But with a transsexual, well then it is ok it seems. Why, because of the way we are viewed as being transsexual just for the sex. So much so that he felt perfectly safe proportioning me without worrying about me reporting it and he being investigated.
Now do not get me wrong here, I love sex, but I do not love being viewed, and treated, as a sexual object because I am transsexual. Treated with no respect and how no gg (genetic girl) would ever be treated, unless she was hooking. Guys listen up. If you wish to get with a transsexual, then treat us as you would like your daughter treated by any that wished to get t know her. Try being a gentleman, show some courtesy, respect her and not like a slut, and never tell her that you are not gay but attracted to her. Cause next time it happens to me, I am liable to do a clog dance on their testicles.
Well I just found out that this is considered the most depressing day of the year, because it is the day that people realize that they can not/have not kept their New Year's resolutions. Seems appropriate being that it is also my birthday. Yes, my darling minions, I am one more year older and no, I am not going to tell any how old! Suffice to say that once more it sucked.
No bands, no parades, no bill boards, no headlines, no breaking news stories, nada, zip, zilch, not a damn thing! I mean where the hell are the sacrifices made onto me? Where are the gifts brought forth and laid on my alters? The frankincense, the myrrh, the gold, especially the freaken gold! Nope just another day, the most depressing day of the year, and not one animal sacrifice, sigh.
Also came back from the shrink as well. Oh yes I am now officially a raving, maniacal, homicidal, lunatic with an over active libido manifesting in necrophilic activities. That I am officially a transsexual now, at least according to the Veteran's Administration. Yep, they made me go get my head shrunk to tell me what I have already known for four years and that had been going to the VA hospital as myself for the last year. Bureaucracies, the lazy man's way to stupidity.
Anyway the month is almost over and still no one has sent me any submissions for the Pathetic Wankers Award for February. Come on people, the world is full of them, now is your chance to have input, to have a voice, to grab that fifteen minutes of fame and slam someone truly deserving.
Also if you have a poem you would like to submit, please send it to me and I will look it over and if deemed in context of this site will publish and give you full credit for. Just contact me and send for submission.
I want to thank those that have written me, I do so appreciate you taking the time to write and I always try to reply as soon as I am able. You can also leave a epitaph and sign The Book of the Dead and let me, and the rest of the world, now what you think of what ever.
Well that is about it, for now. Of course any and all are free to still send those gifts and sacrifices onto me, it is not to late to get in good with The Dark Goddess. Until next time, have fun and play on the dark side of the street.
Ok so I am in Home Depot picking out some new hinges and such for a cabinet I am refurberishing, speaking with a friend there about my choices, when this lady comes up from behind me and addresses me. "Why, would you want to do that to yourself!" she exclaims as if I were caught in the act of cutting my wrists. Turning I am looking at this woman, about late forties- early fifties, and wondering just what the hell she is talking about, is it because I am Goth? She then continues "Would would you want to be a woman!" at which I will own to be taken aback and wondering just how the hell she "read" me. most probably my voice as unless I keep my concentration on it, it will start to slip. Now at this point I ask "excuse me?" and she reiterates her question "You are a man, why would you do this to yourself and try to become a woman?"
Now my friend speaks up "Because she was born this way." and I echo the response. Her reply is "No you weren't you were born a man!" Now I am looking into her eyes wondering if these are questions and such seeking understanding or making judgments and though I see real concern in her eyes, I can tell that nothing I say will lend to understanding, but she is not trying to verbally attack me, she is just stupid and ignorant. I tell her, "I am sorry, but there is nothing I can say to her that will give you any understanding on why I am the way I am." Now she becomes self conscience of the fact that she is being rude and states and asks just that " I am sorry, I am probably being rude. Am I being rude?". "Yes", I reply, "as a matter of fact you are." she then apologizes and walks away and I am left sadder that one there are people that will never never be able to sympathize, not to do to hate but just because the concept is so alien to them, and two, that out of ignorance they will be rude and perhaps even harmful, thinking they are being concerned.
The point to this semi-rant? Not one really, just a day in the life of a transsexual is all. Something we must deal with day after day. Since telling this to friends I have received the gambit of what I should have said ranging from claiming that I am a woman and what are you talking about, to why do you want to be so rude, to shut the fuck up bitch I look more like a woman that you ever will. None of them really appropriate as at worst would only replace ignorance with anger and perhaps even hate, to at best, well really the out come was the best that could be hoped for. I have said it before and I will reiterate it again, No one, except another can ever understand, what we go through. The reason is simply that no one, except a transsexual, ever questions their gender. For the rest of the population it is the one constant that is not subject to change, hence never thought about. Your spouse may have an affair, you can be laid off, the world could possibly end tomorrow, but you will never have to worry about going to bed one gender and waking the next morning as the other. It is that reason that we seem so alien because the idea of desiring to change one's "birth gender" can only be explained, in their minds, as some sort of sexual perversion and kink, mostly brought on by the image of drag queens and gay men prancing around in dresses at parades and such.
Anyway, just something to think about as you are reading this. I do not need people to "understand" as that is futile and I really do not need sympathy. I, and every other transsexual, just wish to live their lives with out being hassled and especially "outed" to every one in ear shot. If I was black I might be hated for that but no one would question that I had a choice in being black. If anything come away with this, it is the same, I did not have a choice in being a transsexual. Yes I have to the choice to transition or not, but you tell me, if you were forced to choose to live as the opposite gender or your own, which would you choose? (transsexuals are onto allowed to answer that, lol) What I, and every other transsexual, must go through and what it costs us financially and every other aspect of our lives, is so great and painful that I would not wish this on anyone. Any that think this is just a sexual thing or something we get out kicks from is sadly mistaken. It costs us our families, friends, children, jobs, and forever labels us as "freaks" and "outcasts". It is thousands of hours of pain and the costs are more that most make in two or three years.
Then why do we do it? Because the simple answer is because there is no other way. Despite the costs we are either true to who we are or we live a lie and that lie becomes so unbearable, so heavy, so oppressive, that we either break out or die. That is why transsexuals have the highest rate of suicide of all groups. The reason you may see us selling our bodies on the street or in porn (as the employers that will hire us is so very few), and why so many turn to drugs. For every one transsexual that "makes" it through, there are 40 or more who do not. Perhaps if the lady that addressed was able to at least be able to set aside her judgment and listen, she might have learned something.. perhaps.
amor e morte
Well my minions, here it is a new year, 2005, and your Dark Goddess is starting if off a little better than the last two years. You notice that this area is now pretty much empty, as it a fresh start and all. Not to fear my children of the night, all as been buried in The Crypt for your necrophilic pleasures. I have also placed last years Pathetic Wankers there along with last years entries into The Book of the Dead.
So now is your time to be one of the first to make a new entry into The Book of the Dead and let the world now what is on your mind. Also I am taking nominees for January's Pathetic Wankers Award so either submit your wanker to me by Evoking the Darkness or making an entry in The Book of the Dead.
I am also taking suggestions on ways I can improve this site so contact me and give some feed back or if you want to just tell me something I would love to hear from you. As always I am still looking for more work and if you are in the market for a professional Web Designer, Graphic Artist, and or Flash designer/programmer, go and visit Dark Goddess Productions and contact me through that site.
So here is to the new year and may it bring sweet, dark, wet dreams to all of you.
amor e morte