Pathetic Wanker Awards

I am as a plague, born the priestess
The secret amour of archangelic rape
Jaded-eyed when my lovers, possessed
Screamed out their agonies, upon the stake

Welcome to Pathetic Wanker Hell!

Here you will find each month's winner of the un-covenant Pathetic Wanker of the Month Award, in all their glory.

Here are the dregs of human society, the wastes of oxygen, and the scum that even scum will not claim as one of their own.

If you are looking for last years Pathetic Wankers, you can visit them here, in The Crypt.

If you know of someone, in the public eye, deserving of such an award, then contact me and tell me who and why they should receive it.

Make sure you list links to your case and pictures as well, so that I may review your submission to see if they are truly deserving.

The Covenet Pathetic Wanker Award

The Pathetic Wankers Award For The Year 2006


January 1st

What the fundimentalist conservatives have turned christianity into
No smart-ass comments here. This is all to real and is our fate if we do not stand up and expose these steaming chucks of vomit for what they truly are, a bunch of fudge-packing Nazis.

Other wise, by there own words, we will see death camps that will make Hitler look like a fucking saint.

Well it is that time of year again where we shuck out the old and ring in the new. I time to reflect on all that has happened this year, to look back introspectively on our lives and the people, and events, that have made the year 2005 the heaping pile of horse feces it was. And, of course we all know what this means, it is time to name the Pathetic Wanker of the Year!!!!!

Yes, my darklings, the time when I decide who, or whom, has made this past year a gigantic, cankerous, hemorrhoid on the ass of life. This year has seen a bumper crop of those so deserving of such low honors.

There is, of course, the easy candidates such George Bush (last year’s winner) or any of his administration. In addition there is the republican party (for reasons to many to name), the democratic party (for not being able to pull it together and offer a plan other than being against the republicans), and the American people for electing these refuse of Pampers and not voting down such Nazi legislation such as constitutional amendments against gay marriage.

But, as I said, these are easy and come nowhere near the threat to all our personal freedoms as from this year’s winner. A fundamentalist religious sect bent on the destruction of our American way of life and liberties. So insidious and fanatical that it’s members have abandoned all sense of logical or intelligent thought. Whose minions are droned into mindless pawns suckling at the tit of their leaders, buying into lies and scams and defending them, even when the truth of these are spelled out so that even a retarded chimp could understand the cabal of lies and hate they espouse as they indoctrinate children and threaten the American economy.

Who are these sick bastards? No, not Muslim Extremists, but our own homegrown Religious Right! The Moral Majority, the Christian Coalition, the Traditional Values Coalition, and all the other groups that espouse the love of Jesus as they spew their vomit of hate towards any that do not believe and live as they say they should.

Starting with their messiah, The Rev. Jerry (I had sex with my mother) Fawell. This fat-ass gob of infectious mucus was one of the key architects of the Republican Party platform, back in the early 80’s, that is still being used to this date. The founder of the Moral Majority, this pious piece of shit has been an enemy of free thought since then. I personally have seen him give praise to a woman that died because she gave almost all her social security to his church and ended up starving to death. (God weeding out the stupid in my humble opinion).

He has claimed that 9/11 was the wraith of god because of homosexuals, the ACLU, and liberals. Well hell Jerry, then what the fuck are we doing looking for Osahma, we should have a warrant out for god, you pecker head. I have personally seen this afterbirth lie, lie about the lie, and then try and cover it up. Such as the incident on the Donahue show where he was confronted with the truth of how he preached that another church was not “godly” nor real Christian. He denied this and the questioner then informed him he had it on videotape. Again Jerry denied it and said he would donate money to the other’s church if he could prove it true. When the man had proved it a check was cut but with the condition that it became void and the sum subject to return if the media was told about it. Thankfully the “other” church was more interested in the truth than money. You hear that Jerry? MORE INTERESTED IN THE TRUTH THAN MONEY!!!!

His claim that Christianity is under attack and being oppressed just boggles my mind. You have the congress, the presidency and soon the supreme court how they hell do you figure Christianity is being OPPRESSED!?! Oh because people are trying to be tolerant and sensitive to other faiths and beliefs and say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? I know what he really wants, as he has plainly stated "I hope to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be.” his words make it clear.

Such as:

  • "Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them”
  • "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being”
  • "Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan in America”
  • "Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions”
  • "AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals”
  • “Textbooks are Soviet propaganda”
  • "[homosexuals are] brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven.”

These are the words of the enemy, the true threat to our Constitution and freedom. Notice that they sound so much like Hitler’s? Remember he was “invited” to help write the republican platform that ALL republicans must abide by to receive funds for campaigning.

Then there is Pat (I dream of the good old days of slavery) Robertson, another unarmed soldier in the war of wits. He was with Jerry, after 9/11 and they both proclaimed the Gays, ACLU, and liberals responsibility for god’s wraith against the twin towers. He ran for president in the late 80’s. (shudder) Since then this vagina lipped Howdy Doody has espoused such things as calling for the assignation of Venezuela president Chavez, his claim to have turned a hurricane from the shores of North Carolina through prayer, That “Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing” are the “spirit of the Antichrist”, that Hindus have no business administrating government, that "Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals--the two things seem to go together.", That federal judges are a worse threat than Al Qaeda, that god does not hear the prayers of Jews, and to the People of Dover Pennsylvania “"if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city, and don’t wonder why he hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there,” There is so much more but dame I do have some others to talk about as well.

How about Rev. Louis P. (I won a Pathetic Wanker Award, April 2005) Sheldon, the founder of the Traditional Values Coalition that represents a number of conservative Christian churches. Sheldon's organization, which has protested loudly against gambling, allegedly accepted money from an online lottery firm, eLottery, to help in its $2 million pro-gambling campaign.

Now I have written on this cyst-on-the-ass-of life (Pathetic Wanker Awards 2005 April) earlier so I will move on as already nauseous enough right now.

Ralph (you know I have sucked dick) Reed, the first executive director of the Christian Coalition during the early 1990s, Reed is now a Republican candidate for lieutenant governor of Georgia. E-mails released by federal investigators in June 2005 suggest that Reed secretly accepted payments from Jack Abramoff to lobby against Indian casino gambling and oppose an Alabama education lottery at the same time that Abramoff was being paid to promote Indian casino gambling. Additional e-mails released in November 2005 show that Reed also worked for another Abramoff client seeking to block a congressional ban on Internet gambling.

Oh my, another Christian fundamentalist, espousing the evils of gambling taking money and lobbying to promote such sin! How can they be so (gag) hypocritical? With such espousals as, "What Christians have got to do is to take back this country ,one precinct at a time, one neighborhood at a time and one state at a time ... I honestly believe that in my lifetime we will see a country once again governed by Christians ... and Christian values." Hmm.. perhaps gambling IS a Christian value now.

Just how will Mr. Reed do this, well I will let him tell you, “I want to be invisible. I do guerrilla warfare. I paint my face and travel at night. You don't know it's over until you're in a body bag." “Daddy there is a terrorist out side!” “That is no terrorist, it is Ralph Reed!”

And the list of these dickless wonders goes on an on as the following quotes will demonstrate:

  • "the Bible itself is intolerant and true followers of God's word should be as well"
  • "As we see the day approaching there's going to be a cleansing...there's going to be a purging coming forth...and everyone that's living under the immorality cover...will be brought down, and God's new breed will come forth."
    Bob Jones - head of the racist, anti-Catholic Bob Jones University
  • "I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you. I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good ... Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called by God to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism."
    Randall Terry - Founder of Operation Rescue
  • "I'd like for you to take - but your paper might not allow you to do it - and that is to take the Jewish element in the ACLU which is trying to drive Christianity out of the public place, and I'd like to see you do the something objective there. Because the ACLU is made up of a tremendous amount of Jewish attorneys."
    Billy McCormack - (Director of the Christian Coalition)
  • "When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more abortion on demand, and no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism (i.e., multicultural-ism) will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil"
    Gary Potter - President, Catholics for Christian Political Action
  • "We see the outlines of a new social and political order ... the state will no longer be separated from the church."
    Catholic Yves DuPont
  • "We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now. We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."
    Ann Coulter
  • “Islam was founded by Muhammad, a demon-possessed pedophile who had 12 wives, the last one of which was a 9-year-old girl. And I will tell you Allah is not Jehovah either. Jehovah’s not going to turn you into a terrorist that’ll try to bomb people and take the lives of thousands and thousands of people."
    Rev. Jerry - Vines, former President of the Southern Baptist Convention
  • "Buddhism was considered a false religion by the forefathers. It is not my definition of religion, no. It was not their definition of religion under the First Amendment of the Constitution."
    Roy Moore
  • "Two things made this country great: White men & Christianity. The degree these two have diminished is in direct proportion to the corruption and fall of the nation. Every problem that has arisen (sic) can be directly traced back to our departure from God's Law and the disenfranchisement of White men."
    State Rep. Don Davis (R-NC)
  • "I think Mohammed was a terrorist. He - I read enough of the history of his life written by both Muslims and – and - non-Muslims, that he was a - a violent man, a man of war. And I do believe that - Jesus set the example for love, as did Moses. And I think that Mohammed set an opposite example."
    Jerry Falwell
  • "I have never said in a sermon or a speech that Muhammad is a terrorist."
    Jerry Falwell
  • "What we are witnessing here are hate crimes against Christianity – the manifestations, the symptoms of a sickness of the soul, a disease a Vatican diplomat correctly calls 'Christianophobia,' the fear and loathing of all things Christian, coupled with a fanatic will to expunge from the public life of the West all reminders that ours was once a Christian civilization and America once a Christian country."
    Pat Buchanan
  • “Why is this man [George W. Bush] in the White House? The majority of Americans did not vote for him. I tell you this morning that he’s in the White House because God put him there for a time such as this.”
    Lt. General William G. Boykin
  • "I speak for Jesus when I say, 'Fuck You and the donkey you rode in on!'"
    Brice Wellington
  • "We are to make Bible-obeying disciples of anybody that gets in our way."
    Jay Grimstead
  • "Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody's pseudo-right to worship an idol."
    Rev. Joseph Morecraft
  • "Hey - get with the program! CHRISTIANS are INDIVIDUALS!! NON-CHRISTIANS are a BIG BLURRY MESS!!!"
    Melinda Shore
  • "With all due respect to those dear people, my friend, God Almighty does not hear the prayer of a Jew."
    Bailey Smith
  • "If he's going to be the counterfeit of Christ, he has to be Jewish. The only thing we know is he must be male and Jewish."
    Jerry Falwell - commenting on the anti-Christ
  • "The long-term goal of Christians in politics should be to gain exclusive control over the franchise. Those who refuse to submit publicly to the eternal sanctions of God by submitting to His Church's public marks of the covenant--baptism and holy communion--must be denied citizenship, just as they were in ancient Israel."
    Gary North
  • "Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade school classes that teach our children that CANNIBALISM, WIFE-SWAPPING, and the MURDER of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior."
    Jesse Helms
  • "The Christian community has a golden opportunity to train an army of dedicated teachers who can invade the public school classrooms and use them to influence the nation for Christ."
    D. James Kennedy
  • "Homosexuals are not monogamous. They want to destroy the institution of marriage. It will destroy marriage. It will destroy the Earth."
    James Dobson
  • "Those who practice homosexuality should swiftly be put to death by the government. God emphatically condemns the practice of exchanging proper gender characteristics among men and women. God justly calls for the death-penalty for anyone who practices homosexuality."
    Citizens for the Ten Commandments
  • "The perversion that follows homosexuality is bestiality and then human sacrifice and cannibalism."
    Barbara Blewster - member of the Church of Latter-Day Saints and the Arizona State Legislature
  • "I want to coin a phrase here, and I don't mind help. What would be the communication version of "ethnic cleansing?" Because that's what in particular the homosexual activists try to do."
    Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • "Quit looking at the symbols. Get out and get a job. Quit shooting each other. Quit having illegitimate babies."
    State Rep. John Graham Altman (R-SC)
  • "I've been portrayed as a caveman by some. That's not true. I'm a conservative progressive, and that means I think all men are equal, be they slants, beaners or niggers."
    Jesse Helms
  • "The god of Judaism is the devil. The Jew will not be recognized by God as one of His chosen people until he abandons his demonic religion and returns to the faith of his fathers--the faith which embraces Jesus Christ and His Gospel. "
    David Chilton
  • "Emotional appeals about working families trying to get by on $4.25 an hour are hard to resist. Fortunately, such families do not exist."
    Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX)
  • "The Media is ruled by Satan. But yet I wonder if many Christians fully understand that. Also, will they believe what the Media says, considering that its aim is to steal, kill, and destroy?"
    Jimmy Swaggart
  • "We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed, too. Otherwise, they will turn out to be outright traitors."
    Ann Coulter
  • "God Hates Fags!"
    Rev. Fred Phelps

And finally from our former president George Bush Sr. speaking to a reporter "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."

So for these and so many other crimes, to numerous to mention, against humanity and the Constitution of the United States, I award all you hate-mongering, child-molesting, piles of fecal waste the award of Pathetic Wanker of the Year and to quote Senator Berry Goldwater “I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass."